Spiritual death

I'm experiencing a spiritual crisis. The type where your soul is snatched out of your body and stomped on, mangled, obliterated, mutilated, ripped apart and set on fire!

I used to go to Quaker meetings fairly frequently in high school, then in college I rarely went. Now I can say that I haven't been to a Quaker meeting in almost two years. The last time I went to more than one meeting in a given time period was nearly two years ago when I attended the World Gathering of Young Friends in England from August 16-24, 2005. Since then, something in me has changed where as I don't even have an urge to go to Quaker Meeting anymore. Maybe this is connected to my recently higher anxiety levels and the fact that I now have to take medications for it.

I now spend my life working and staying at home sitting around the house in a semi-vegetative state. I tend to get bored with activities more easily and get annoyed more easily too.

About my husband

What? You're Married? Who are you married to? How did you meet him? Who's Rolf? What's he like? Why did you decide to get married? What do you really like about him?

These are some of the questions that I have been receiving from various people since last May 5, when I got married to Rolf Staples. I met him in September 2005 when I was working at Burger King. He got promoted to manager a few weeks later. When I quit working at Burger King last March and then got fired from my second job the next day, he helped me pay my rent and bills. He also helped me move my belongings out of my apartment in Old Town last May.

Rolf and I have very similar personalities. We are both partly outgoing. We enjoy going out to the movies (which we haven't done recently), going out to eat, walking in the Bangor City Forest and on the Orono Bog Boardwalk, looking at and shopping for antiques, reading, and playing computer games.

We decided to get married because we love each other so much. When I was a little girl, I always wanted to get married when I was an adult. I really like everything about Rolf except for his sarcasm and stubbornness. I'm sarcastic and stubborn sometimes too though, so I guess I can't complain too much.

The day we got married, it was a beautiful spring day. It was sunny out and the flowers were all in bloom. Our wedding colors were blue and white. We had white decorations and a white cake with pretty blue flowers. In the floral centerpiece were irises, white carnations and roses, baby's breath and another white flower that I don't happen to know the name of.

After the ceremony, we had photos taken in our yard and down on the Bangor waterfront by the Penobscot River.

We currently live in an apartment in Bangor with my father-in-law, five cats, and two fish. My mother-in-law passed away last year right before Christmas. She helped my husband and I plan our wedding last year: making sure we had a cheese and cracker platter, fruit platter, finger sandwiches, a vegetable platter, and a beautiful wedding cake. She took me with her the day she went to buy the decorations and cake topper. She even bought me a pretty light blue garter with a white ribbon and lace.